ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
