College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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