Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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