The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
