Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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