Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
