Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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