Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
