new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
