I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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