he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
