Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
