I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
