The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
