yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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