I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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