I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
