I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
