I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
