i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
