So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Small penises have feelings too.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
