How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
