I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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