it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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