Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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