Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
