are you so shy because you have an std?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
