Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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