I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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