the condom got lost in my hair
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
