I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
