Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
