At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
