The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
