u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
