If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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