I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
