so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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