Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
