i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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