just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
