Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
