Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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