Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
