I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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