By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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