He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
