Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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