I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
