I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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