My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I love you.
Bad choice
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