I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
