Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
