Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
