Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
