why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
